Monday, February 19

The Golden Years...

Toen Nederland nog onschuldig was...

When Holland was still innocent...

Sunday, February 18

Across the Universe

Gisteren kwam ik de trailer van deze film tegen en ik ben zo ontzettend benieuwd! Hij lijkt me echt geweldig! Beatles-muziek, rare animatie-dingetjes: echt mijn ding!

Yesterday I came across the trailer for this movie and I'm really curious now! It's seems really great to me! Beatles Music, strange animation-type thingies: quite up my alley!

Wednesday, February 14

Valentine's Day

Because it's Valentine's Day today, I'll just copy one of my favourite parts of my little book '50 Guests': The Young Couple in Love'. It's actually the part that was deleted from the final version, but I'm still quite fond of it, cause it's so cynical and sarcastic. It's in Dutch, but if I have any chance, I'll translate it later today...

EDIT: I translated it! It's below the Dutch version...

40. Het Verliefde Stelletje

Rond 14 februari wemelt het er weer van: kleffe, klevende meisjes en jongetjes die al tongworstelend het pand komen binnengewandeld. Natuurlijk komen deze peperkoeken hartjes het hele jaar door in Restaurants, maar Valentijnsdag is natuurlijk Nationale Maak-De-Ober-Misselijk-Met-Onze-Overdonderende-Liefde-dag en is dan ook de ideale dag om een Verliefd Stelletje te beschrijven.

Daarom het volgende verhaaltje:

Jongetje ontmoet Meisje.

Meisje vindt Jongetje leuk.

Jongetje vindt Meisje ook leuk.

Meisje doet uitdagende rode lippenstift op.

Jongetje zoent Meisje op onhandige puberachtige wijze met veel getik van tanden en geklik van beugels.

Meisje wil per se iets leuks gaan doen met Valentijnsdag.

Jongetje stemt mokkend toe.

Op Valentijnsdag brengt Jongetje de gewoonlijke zeer on-orginele bloemen en chocolade hartjes mee voor Meisje.

Meisje is heel blij, maar wil meer.

Jongetje stelt voor wat te gaan eten.

Meisje stemt zielsgelukkig toe en doet haar uitdagendste zwarte jurkje aan. En voor het geluk ook haar Snoopy-BH.

Jongetje en Meisje gaan naar een Restaurant om half 6 als er nog niemand is (behalve de ander Verliefde Stelletjes)

Jongetje en Meisje bestellen allebei de tomatensoep en daarna wil Jongetje een steak (spreek uit ‘stiek’) met pepersaus en het meisje zalm (Zie ook: 16. De Simpele Gast).

Terwijl Jongetje en Meisje wachten op hun eten, blijkt dat Jongetje en Meisje eigenlijk niet zoveel tegen elkaar hebben te zeggen.

Na 10 minuten staren naar de tafel, de kaars, de glazen en de muur, besluiten Jongetje en Meisje dat ze dan maar moeten doen waar ze wèl goed in (denken te) zijn: zoenen.

Jongetje en Meisje brengen de rest van de wachttijd door met het aan elkaar geklonken zijn over hun tafel heen, tot ongenoegen van de andere Gasten, de Obers en de Serveersters.

Het Einde.

Goed. Misschien een wat overdreven voorbeeld, maar ik denk niet dat er iets irritanters is dan twee van die middelbare-school-kussertjes in je Restaurant. Maar laten we het van de andere kant bekijken: hoe irritanter, hoe groter de uitdaging. Hoe krijg je deze twee lipvissen van elkaar geweekt?

De enige manier is om geen enkele aandacht te besteden aan het zoenen. Probeer niet om ze te laten schrikken met zinnen als:

“KIJKT U EENS!! Hier is uw zalm.”

En al helemaal niet


Onderbreek de twee gewoon met een vriendelijk ‘pardon’ en maak het voor de twee iets minder beschamend (alsof je daar zelf niets aan kunnen doen, maar goed) door er een grapje over te maken. Maak het echter niet smakeloos, zoals:

“Oh, u heeft al wat te drinken, zie ik.”


“Ach, u bent elkaars lippen al aan het eten. Dan hoeft u zeker geen brood?”

Iets liefs als:

“Stoor ik? Haha…”


“Ik wou dat ik uit eten kon met mijn vriendin/vriend/moeder/hond”

The Young Couple in Love

When the 14th of February arrives, so do they: mushy little boys and girls entering your Restaurant while tongue-wrestling. Surely these adorable couples visit Restaurants all year, but of course Valentine’s Day is also Please-Make-Our-Waiter-Nauseous-With-Our-Sickening-Love-Day, and it’s the ideal day to describe ‘The Young Couple in Love’.

That’s why I wrote this little story:

Boy meets Girl.

Girl likes Boy.

Boy likes Girl, too.

Girl puts on seducing red lipstuck.

Boy kisses Girl in an adolescent way, with a lot of colliding braces and teeth.

Girl wants to do something really romantic on Valentine’s Day.

Boy grudgingly agrees.

On Valentine’s Day, Boy brings the Girl the obligatory and very boring flowers and bonbons.

Girl is very happy, but wants more.

Boy suggests they eat out.

Girl is absolutely giddy and wears her most seductive little black dress. And just to be lucky: also her Peanuts-themed bra.

Boy and Girl go to the Restaurant at about half past five, when there is absolutely no one there (except the other Young Couples in Love).

Boy and Girl both order the tomato soup, and as the main course the Boy wants a steak with peppersauce and the Girl wants the salmon.

While waiting for their food, Boy and Girl realise they don’t have anything at all to talk about.

After staring at the table, the candles, the glasses and the wall for ten minutes, Boy and Girl decide they should do what (they think) they do best: kissing.

Boy and Girl spend the rest of the waiting time glued to each other above the table, much to the annoyance of the other guests, and the serving crew.

The End.

Right. Maybe I exagerated it a bit, but I really can’t image anything more irritating then two high-school-kissers in your Restaurant. Let’s look at this the other way, though: the bigger the irritation, the bigger the challenge. How to separate these two guppies?

Well, the only way is to just NOT pay attention to the kissing. Don’t try to startle them by saying things like:

-“THERE YOU GO! Your salmon!”

And worst of all:


Interrupt the couple gently by saying “Excuse me…” and try to make it less awkward (leaving aside the fact that they brought it on themselves) by joking about it. Don’t go raunchy, though:

-“Oh, I see you’re still drinking.”


-“Ah, I see you’re still eating each others lips. I assume you won’t be wanting bread?”

Instead, try something sweet like:

-“Interupting…? He he…”


-“I wish I could take someone to dinner, like my girlfriend/boyfriend/”

Saturday, February 10

Just standing there...

Yesterday I spotted an old man standing on the corner of a busy crossing, just standing there. While I was waiting for the light to turn green, I tried to understand just WHAT this man was doing...

Was he just tired from having taken a long walk? Hmm, he didn't seem to be very put out... Was he glued to the pavement by terrorists (or, more likely, by naughty teenagers)? Hmm, well, he did not look like he was in pain or anything...

Still watching the man smoke his pipe and scratching his long beard, I was startled by the horn of the car behind me: the light had finally turned green.

While driving home, I started thinking: this wasn't the first time I had seen such a man. Actually, it struck me, there seemed to be such a man on EVERY crossroad I've ever passed! And not just the crossings: they popped up everywhere along the road, just standing there idly, watching the cars.

Or do they just SEEM idle? An eloborate scheme unveiled itself in my mind: those men have been put there by the governement to keep an eye out for...well, just about anything! Carcrashes obviously, but also any social happenstance that might or might not occur... They might not even really be old men! Problaby they're just wearing masks and beards, moustaches and carry around smoking-attributes just to blend in...

Now that I think about it: they're problaby not from the governement: they're ALIENS! They're sent out from the evil planet Blargon 6 to keep an eye out on us and inform their superiors when the time is ripe for an invasion! Waaaah! Hide!


Hmm, I ran into the 'Guy-Who-Doesn't-Know' (as mentioned in an earlier post) tonight, and I have to say... I wasn't as giddy as I was last time. I guess the butterflies have left my tummy already (can't imagine why: there's enough room in there) and are waiting around the corner for the next guy...

Tuesday, February 6

My New Alarmclock

Okay, I've finally found the most PERFECT alarmclock. I know I rarely use one, as I mostly just wake up because Midas is either poking my nose, looking me straight in the eyes from about an inch away, or suddenly going "MEOW!!!" right besides my ears, but occasionaly I do need one, and I'm a little tired of the one I use now.

So when I saw this clip, I instantly knew this was how I want to wake up every morning (without the cameras and obnoxiously clapping people of course)...

Monday, February 5


Hello all,

as of today, I'll be doing my posts in English. "Why, WHYYYY?!" do you ask? Well, although I know my prose is absolutely brilliant in Dutch (whahaha), I thought it would be nice to help my niece (or cousin, I've never mastered the difference between the two) Suzy from Australia understand what my life is all about, without having to look up everything in a dictionary. Suzy is coming to visit my family come this May, and of course we're going to be touring the country (should't take much time, I think) in the few days she's here.

Do me a favour, and give her a great warm welcome!

(Oh, and on another subject: Suzy told us in an e-mail that she doen't know any Dutch, but that she DOES know some naughty words in Singalese (the language of Sri Lanka). I think it's only fair we teach her some dirty Dutch words, too...

Sunday, February 4

Really really really...

Okee, nog een stukje uit Scrubs. Hier hebben we Dr. Cox die tekeer gaat tegen Turk en Elliot. Dr Cox bedoelt het altijd allemaal goed, maar verwoord het misschien niet zo tactisch...